


All Dressed Up (And Nowhere to Go)

by inyron



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Check Please Big Bang, Coming Out, F/M, Friendship, M/M, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-29 06:01:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8478037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inyron/pseuds/inyron
Summary: “No, but seriously,” Chowder told him. “You really shouldn’t listen to me. I’m the worst at this kind of stuff. I’ve been trying to force myself to think about where I want to go after I graduate, but the future’s like a giant empty pit. I don’t want to think about it. I just want to stay here and play hockey forever.” Chowder’s POV of Bitty’s senior year.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [Check, Please Big Bang](http://checkplease-bb.livejournal.com) in the summer of 2016, before the posting of _Junior Year #11 - Me & Jack._
> 
> The [beautiful art](http://mrcrappy.tumblr.com/post/152765038483/omg-check-please-big-bang-art-for-all-dressed-up) was created by Christina. You should check out all of her [ Check, Please art](http://mrcrappy.tumblr.com/tagged/my-art).
> 
> Big thanks to my beta, Tarah Rauch!

“Maybe I can make some blueberry mini-pies,” Bitty told Chowder. “I haven’t made them in a really long time. You like blueberry mini-pies, right?”

He did. He really did. “No,” he told Bitty, trying really hard not to make it sound like a ‘maybe.’ “I mean yeah, I love all of your mini-pies, and blueberries are the best, but we’re supposed to be studying now, right? So maybe later?”

“Maybe it could be a studying snack?”

“That sounds awesome,” Nursey agreed from the doorway.

“Nursey, no. You’re not even studying with us,” Chowder grumbled. Nursey shrugged and headed to the living room, probably to sprawl out on the couch and definitely to do something that wasn’t studying American economic history. Chowder really wanted to do something that wasn’t studying American economic history. Or any type of history, really. But they had to get this done. “Besides, we already have moose munch, so we don’t need another studying snack.”

Bitty looked over at the bowl. “I think we’re almost out, actually.” 

Chowder looked too, a denial on his lips. That bowl was full to overflowing just a few hours ago. He frowned in dismay at the few, sad kernels that remained on the bottom. “What in the-- How-- Where did it all go?”

Bitty, smiling at him and looking relieved, had already hopped up from his spot at the table and was rifling through his pots and pans. “I keep telling you, you growing boys eat a lot. You can never appreciate how much until you’re the one who has to cook for them.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be the one who has to cook for them. I don’t think that would be a good idea.” Chowder frowned at the lonely-looking books on the table and at Jazzy, who didn’t even have the decency to look ashamed as he wandered in and finished off the moose munch by tilting the giant bowl right up to his mouth.

“Of course not,” Bitty said. “That’s why you have me! You know I’ll always take care of you.” 

Chowder grabbed the empty bowl and brought it over to the sink to rinse it out. “What about the studying, though?” he asked. “I feel like we didn’t even make any progress.”

“We did,” Bitty said. “Small progress is progress. We’ll get right back to it, as soon as we have more studying snacks. Whiskey and Tango should be over soon anyway and they’re going to need some studying fuel too. Tango’s biggest final is tomorrow actually, so we should be more worried about him than we should about me.” 

“Bitty…” Chowder said, but he didn’t really have the courage to go on.

“I’ll be fine, Chowder,” Bitty said firmly. “We’ll get back to it, I promise. Why don’t you study for your statistics test in the meantime?”

Chowder mumbled an agreement as he backed out of the room, but he was totally lying. He headed up to the attic, where he found Dex glaring in annoyance at his computer. “I need your help,” Chowder told him.

“I’m kinda busy,” Dex said.

“Pleeease?” Chowder wheedled. “It’s not about Nursey this time, I promise.”

“Fine,” Dex said, leaning back. “What is it?”

“It’s Bitty,” Chowder told him. “I’ve been trying to help him study for his history final, but it’s not going very well, and I don’t know that much about history- well, I’m not bad at history, but he has to take this economic history class, and it’s really hard! I don’t understand it, at all, and I don’t think he does either. I know that his grades have been really bad in it so far, so he really needs to work hard, because he can’t bomb it, he’ll get an F! And then I don’t know what will happen!”

“O…kay,” Dex said. “I’m not taking that class though. I don’t know what you think I can do.”

“Just help him study?” Chowder asked hopefully. “I’m not good at, like, study skills. And stuff. You know? Like, making index cards into flash cards or making and taking online review quizzes, that sort of thing.” Chowder shuffled nervously in the resulting silence. He couldn’t decipher the furrow-browed look Dex was giving him. “Please?” he asked again. “It’s for Bitty, y’know? He does so much for us all the time. He’s making mini-pies right now, actually.”

“Okay,” Dex finally agreed.

“Oh good,” Chowder said, relieved. “Thank you! Though--” he gestured at the computer, “you’ll still be okay with your finals, right?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” Dex said. “I finished most of my studying anyway. I was working on something else. Secret project.”

“…Right.” Dex sounded very serious, but based on a second glance of at his screen, Chowder would guess that he was just working on more Civilization: Beyond Earth mods.

Chowder went back downstairs and started working on his math. Dex came down shortly after and looked through some of the books as Bitty finished up the baking. Then he and Chowder made Bitty come and sit and work on constructing flashcards while the mini-pies cooled off on the rack. Chowder was right; Dex was way better at studying. In fact, Chowder ended up using some of Dex’s techniques to make his own flashcards in one of his other classes. 

When he remembered that this was supposed to be about Bitty, not him, he looked up and checked on his friend. He was worried, because Bitty looked tired and flat out unhappy, but at least he was studying. He was flipping through the book and writing things down, and the stack of flashcards in front of him was growing. It was working. 

They ordered pizza for dinner. Bitty had to be practically strapped down to prevent him from cooking them “a healthy, well-balanced meal. Come on guys, you know eating healthy is important to keep our brains working right,” but Dex was adamant that there was too much to go over and not enough time.

Things were going well enough that Bitty suggested they call it quits for the day after the pizza, but they all still had a lot to go over. Dex even said he wasn’t ready to quit, and it wasn’t even his class, so Bitty should drink some coffee and buckle down.

But Bitty did seem to be losing some of his concentration. He kept squirming around and getting distracted. When he wasn’t checking for text messages, he was looking longingly at his phone. He finally excused himself to use the bathroom, but after he was gone for five minutes, Dex looked up from the flowchart he was sketching out and slapped his hand on the table.

“Dammit!” he said. “He’s skyping, isn’t he?”

“Or vlogging,” Chowder agreed. “He does like to do that a lot. Don’t worry, I’ll go get him!”

Chowder checked the bathrooms first, but they were right. There was no Bitty to be found. He went to his door and was about to knock, but he could hear Bitty’s voice saying, “but I have to go study now,” so he stopped, because he figured that’s what he was getting Bitty for anyway. He backed up and headed back down the stairs, catching Bitty apologizing to the person on the other side of the line before he was out of range.

“He’s coming,” Chowder told Dex as he arrived back at the kitchen. “I guess he just needed to say hi to someone.”

“Hmmmph,” Dex grumbled, but Bitty proved him right by bouncing in a minute later, and putting a little more effort into the last couple of hours, having seemingly caught a second wind.

Chowder chalked the whole day up as a success because Bitty was sounding a bit more confident when answering questions or reciting his notes, and Chowder had studied a whole lot that he figured the information was at least in his short term memory. Hopefully it would still be there by the time he had to take the test.

Bitty was ‘swawesome. Chowder had told his parents that he wasn’t worried about going off to school so far away from them but in all honesty, he kind of had been. He had the best parents in the whole world and, as excited as he was about parties and hockey and freedom, he still wasn’t quite sure how it would work out.

But Bitty-- Bitty was the best. He couldn’t even misplace his pants with Bitty around, especially after he moved into the Haus officially. Dex knew how to sign up for the best classes before everyone else, Nursey could always find the best hang-out spots, and Shitty had the best hangover cures. But Bitty could cook, bake, give really good romantic advice, and he was the best at just listening.

Bitty had helped him out so much. But now it was Chowder’s turn to step up. He was a junior now, and the team captain, so it really fell on him to make sure that everyone--not just Bitty, but everyone--was taken care of. 

He had been captain of his high school team, but this was so different. Jack taught him that. Jack showed him what a true captain should be; someone who supported everyone, someone who pushed everyone to be their best, but didn’t let them feel too bad about themselves if their best still fell short. Someone who let everyone know they cared, even if it was in a nagging, “get-enough-sleep,” “eat-more-protein,” “one-more-mile” sort of way. Someone who led by example. First one at practice, last to leave and if the team had to do suicides, he was leading them.

Ransom and Holster were really good captains too. They tried to do everything Jack did, and they were almost as good at it, especially the nagging part. Chowder was really worried he couldn’t live up to any of them, but he was trying his best. 

He didn’t know he was going to be in this position; captain his junior year. It was supposed to be Bitty, or at least he thought it was. He thought everyone was on board with it so he didn’t even discuss it with anyone, just entered his vote and didn’t think twice. How could it not be Bitty? He was the glue that held the team together. He was everyone’s favorite, and not just because he baked pies for them all the time. But then they had the end of year banquet, and they announced... him. Chris “Chowder” Chow. Him. They had voted for him to lead the team.

He had looked at Bitty first, once it had registered. Once the confusion had passed, he was worried that Bitty might--not be mad at him, but might be hurt at least. It was his senior year and they hadn’t chosen him, which still didn’t make sense. But Bitty was just beaming at him. He looked proud.

“I don’t understand,” Chowder told him. “I thought it was going to be you.”

“Don’t be silly,” Bitty had replied. He was still smiling at Chowder as though he was a blue ribbon pie Bitty had crafted from hand-picked berries. “It was always going to be you. Do you think I’d really make a good captain? Heavens no! I have enough trouble looking after all y’all off of the ice.”

Chowder had smiled and thanked everyone, but it still took a little more time until he really started to understand. He still thinks Bitty would have made a great captain--a better captain--but he could acknowledge that there was one thing he brought to the table, more than anything else. 

Hockey. 

He loves hockey. Eats, sleeps, and breathes it--when he isn’t with Caitlin or getting happy-fun drunk celebrating a hockey win. He could recognize strengths, areas to work on, suggest plays, and do what Jack did: lead by example. He just wasn’t the best at inspiring people, or getting them to listen. But he was trying. And even though he still knows Bitty would have been better and he feels like a giant pretender, he understands more now. Bitty loves hockey too, but not in the same way. 

So he tries his best.

“Are you sure you don’t need to study for anything else?” Chowder asked him the next day after he had already taken one final, Bitty had taken two, and they were forcing themselves to buckle down for another note-studying session. Dex was back upstairs, having proclaimed that he had done everything he could possibly do to help them. But they should be okay, Chowder figured. They had notes, flashcards, flowcharts, and all they had to do was get it from the paper to their brains.

They had this in the bag.

“I told you, it’s only this one,” Bitty replied. “My other classes were a lot easier. Senior seminars or classes with professors who were a lot more persuadable of the underlying cultural value of fresh baked pies.”

“Nice. I wish that would work with my lit. professor.”

“Sorry, I think it’s just an American culture thing.”

“Well okay, that’s good. We’ll get through these finals then we just have to worry about five more classes next semester, then you’re in the clear.”

“Yeah,” Bitty said, but he was outright frowning at that line of thought.

Chowder didn’t blame him. Classes were a pain, but no more classes meant no more Samwell, and he wasn’t looking forward to that any more than Bitty apparently was. 

They started a massive study session, but after they took a burrito break for dinner, Bitty started to get antsy again and was looking at his phone. “I think I’ve just about got it,” he finally announced, pushing his notes away.

Chowder looked over at the big stack of papers dubiously. “It’s still pretty early,” he said. “I think I’ve got a lot more in me, at least. But why don’t we take a break so you can go Skype again and we’ll meet back here in a half hour and work more. I’ll make some coffee.” 

He looked up when Bitty didn’t say anything. “I can make good coffee now, I promise,” he continued, “I won’t burn it or anything this time, I swear.”

“I know you won’t,” Bitty finally said. “But-- What about an hour break, instead of a half hour? We’ll still have time to finish up.” 

“Okay,” Chowder agreed readily.

Bitty rushed up out of his seat like he’d been sitting on tacks. “Thankyouthankseeyouinanhour!” he called behind him.

True to his word, Bitty was back down an hour later, calm and ready to work. He still pointed out that the two of them shouldn’t stay up past midnight, since a good night’s sleep was also essential to doing well, which was pretty reasonable so Chowder didn’t argue. After they got a few more hours of cramming in, they packed up their books and walked up to their rooms. 

The last thing Chowder did before going to bed--the last thing he’s done nearly every night before going to bed for the last two years--was text Caitlin a goodnight and about six heart emojis. But as he sent it that night, he had a random thought.

Just who was Bitty skyping with tonight? Bitty skyped with everyone--his parents, Jack, Shitty, Lardo, Chowder himself if one of them were away, and sometimes Ransom or Holster--but this seemed different. This was definitely something scheduled. Like when Caitlin had gone back to California during spring break and Chowder had stayed on campus. They had agreed to talk every single day at two o’clock Samwell time. Except one day they had a pick-up game that ran long. When he had realized it was already two thirty, he’d freaked out because he didn’t want her to worry and he didn’t want her to be mad, but most of all, he didn’t want to miss talking to her. He missed her, and being apart sucked, even if it was just for a week. 

Yeah, it seemed more like that. 

Bitty had a scheduled Skype call. And it didn’t make sense that he’d act that way if he missed a call from his parents. Just about anybody would be appeased with a text--it was finals time, after all, everybody understood that. Everybody at Samwell--and Shitty--was going through it. No, this was something special. Someone special.

Maybe Bitty had a boyfriend? That didn’t make complete sense--why wouldn’t he tell Chowder if he had a boyfriend? Maybe they weren’t official. Maybe they’d just met. Well, now Chowder wanted to meet him too. He knew that Ransom and Holster would want to make sure this boy was good enough for Bitty too.

He still felt like he was missing something, but he rolled over and fell asleep soon enough anyway.

The next morning, he caught up to Bitty before he could leave to take the dreaded final. “Here,” he said, handing over a small peppermint. “Farmer told me once that these are supposed to help you concentrate and do super great on tests.”

Bitty looked at the small candy in his palm dubiously. “Maybe if that’s true, I can make mint brownies before our next big round of tests?”

“I don’t think there are any flaws in that plan,” Chowder agreed. “Hey, seriously, good luck today, okay?”

“I’ve got this,” Bitty said confidently, and Chowder didn’t think it seemed like he was lying.

His Christmas break went awesome, as usual--new tablet for the win, Bitty and Dex were going to be so jealous--but it’s easier than it ever was to leave California and come back to Samwell. It felt more like coming home than it ever has before. 

He’s thinking more and more now about where he wants to end up after he graduates. California seems like the easiest answer since he already knows he likes it. That’s where Caitlin’s from too and she might want to go back. He might not care as much about where he ends up, but more and more, he’s thinking that he’s definitely going to want to still be with her. He should maybe tell her that. She might agree, and think it’s really romantic. But maybe she doesn’t. Maybe she wants to go off and see Paris or Rome or someplace far away. Maybe she wants to see the world and be free and not bogged down by any boyfriend.

He doesn’t think the conversation will go like that, but he can’t really be sure because their conversations about the future have always revolved around their next game or the classes they really wanted to take or maybe a special plan for summer break. Nothing beyond that. If he thinks about it too hard, it makes his stomach hurt.

“So where are you going to end up after you graduate?” he asked Bitty in January, shortly after the new semester began. Bitty was a senior now with only one semester left and Bitty was a planner. He had to have some grand plan. Chowder realized he was surprised that they hadn’t talked about this before. Bitty loved to chatter, but if this wasn’t a favorite topic, Chowder could understand. He didn’t like thinking about Bitty having to leave either. 

“I- I don’t know yet,” Bitty told him. “I guess I haven’t decided.”

Chowder frowned. He didn’t like the tone of Bitty’s voice. It sounded…reserved. Kinda serious. Maybe a little sad. He didn’t like that tone and he didn’t like that he had heard it a couple of times this year. When Bitty told him about the trouble in his history class, over Thanksgiving; when he had planned a big meal and they thought Jack was going to be able to come but got word he wouldn’t make it, and when he talked about going home for winter break. 

“Do you think you’re going to move back to Georgia?” Chowder asked carefully. He was a little afraid of the reply. He didn’t want Bitty going back to Georgia. He didn’t think Bitty wanted to go back to Georgia, either. He wasn’t really able to be himself there.

“Maybe,” Bitty said, and he definitely sounded sad now.

“Well, if you don’t want to do that, you should definitely stay here,” Chowder told him decisively. “You can start your own bakery and everyone would go there and you’d make, like, a million dollars!!!”

“And I could keep making you boys free pies?”

“Well, definitely.”

Bitty was quiet for another moment, but Chowder didn’t say anything because he could tell Bitty was getting up the courage to try and say something.

“I could stay around here, but maybe move to a bigger city or something. Start myself off by finding a job at a bakery. What do you think?”

“I think any place would be lucky to have you,” Chowder told him seriously.

Bitty smiled at him, but it was still a small smile, not a full on beam. “Aww, you’re so sweet. I’ll have to have you write my mini-pies a letter of recommendation. But, yeah, I’m thinking of moving to a bigger city, somewhere around here. Like Boston or Providence.”

“Hey, yeah, Providence! That would be great! You could see Jack all the time! I bet he would get you season tickets.”

“Yeah maybe. But I don’t know. You don’t think it would be a little weird?” Bitty’s forehead scrunched up as he looked at him questioningly. “Jack’s the only person I know in Providence, and I guess, I mean… he’s busy a lot.”

“You’d make new friends really easy,” Chowder tried to assure him. “And you’d still be able to see us a whole bunch. I think it’s a great idea.”

“Maybe,” Bitty said again. “But I guess it would be easier to move back to Madison. It’s kind of expensive out there, I guess. Hockey scholarships pay for some things, but they don’t pay for life.”

“You’ll be fine. Though you probably shouldn’t listen to me, I’m being selfish. I just don’t want you to move away.”

“Oh, you’re the sweetest.” Bitty gave him a little side hug. 

“No, but seriously,” Chowder told him. “You really shouldn’t listen to me. I’m the worst at this kind of stuff. I’ve been trying to force myself to think about where I want to go after I graduate, but the future’s like a giant empty pit. I don’t want to think about it. I just want to stay here and play hockey forever.” 

“No matter where you go, you can still play hockey.”

“I know, but it won’t be the same. And I’m thinking about Farmer too.”

“Oh?” Bitty asked with a raised eyebrow. “I guess you guys have been pretty serious right from the start. It’s lucky you’re both in the same year, you’ll both be graduating at the same time.”

“It is,” Chowder agreed, “But I don’t know if she wants to go back to California or stay out here or move to Texas or Paris or what.”

“Wait, you guys haven’t talked about it?”

“No,” he admitted. “I know we have to, but it’s hard!”

“I know,” Bitty said.

“What if she tells me something I don’t want to hear? What if she doesn’t want to be with me the way I want to be with her?”

“I know. It’s hard.”

“I love her and I want to stay together, like, forever but I haven’t even told her that yet. I don’t want to be all scary-clingy.”

“But you’ll drive yourself crazy if you don’t have that talk, Chowder. It’ll go great.”

Chowder had been paying extra attention and now he was sure Bitty had a secret boyfriend. Aside from all the little weekend trips Bitty found random excuses for, there was the fact that he was definitely skyping with someone at the same time every night. Now, Chowder wasn’t eavesdropping, but sometimes when he was hanging right outside the door of his own room (which he was allowed to do!) he could catch murmurings and snippets of conversations that didn’t sound like Bitty talking to his mom about the latest cake recipe. Bitty was definitely sneaking off too and keeping his voice low as he spoke. 

Chowder wasn’t stupid. He figured Bitty must be dating some closeted guy, which was strike one on the “Is He Good Enough?” scorecard. He wasn’t quite sure what to do with the information though. Bitty was trying to keep it a secret, so should he just let him keep it a secret? Or did Bitty need a bro, someone he could talk about things with? He was leaning towards the latter, because everybody needs someone to talk to about things like that. For Chowder, that had been Bitty himself. He needed to step up. 

Especially since, well, the more he thought about it… Bitty having a boyfriend, even one he couldn’t tell him about, should be a really good thing. It should be something that was making him really happy. But he realized Bitty seemed less happy than ever now. Even after he has pulled out a miraculous C- in his American Economic History class. It had probably taken him longer to notice, because Bitty was still being Bitty--fussing over the taddies, bringing meals to the frogs in their dorms, and making sure Chowder and Nursey were wearing respectable clothes before they stumbled out of the Haus for their 11 A.M. classes. But he had been different this year, and it didn’t just seem to be the stress of his senior year. He was quieter, and sometimes he seemed down even when they had just crushed an opposing team. Luckily, so far their losses were coming fewer and far between this season, so that couldn’t have been the problem. Maybe it was this mysterious boyfriend. Maybe he did need a friend to talk to.

Chowder just wasn’t quite sure he knew what he was supposed to do.

When it came to hockey, at least, everything was simpler. They were having a pretty good year. It wasn’t their best year--nothing could compare to his freshman year when Jack was leading the way--but it was still good, and it seemed to be getting better. Their offense was growing stronger, led by Bitty, but supported by the frogs and the taddies that had started flocking to Samwell after Jack had made them a frozen four team. Their defense was still a little shaky, though. Losing Ransom and Holster had been hard. And he hated to admit it, even to himself, but Nursery and Dex just weren’t playing together as good as he just knew they could be. And that made it really hard, but it luckily hadn’t affected their wins as much as it should be. 

For now, they were still winning games, and even pulling off a few shutouts. After his third one, he had got a postcard in the mail from Johnson. It read, “Good Luck,” and that was it. He figured it was a nice gesture, and considered that maybe writing letters was something he should do for the next goalie after he graduated. He would try to be a little less cryptic though. He saw himself as more of a Jack or Shitty type of alumni, if anything. They were super busy, but they still made an effort to come to as many games as they could, even with their important post-Samwell lives. Jack had even visited a couple of times before the season started, which made sense, because it was also before his season started too. Even with the extra training a pro must need to do, it had to be easier on his schedule then. 

Jack visiting was always the best, Bitty would shine with happiness, the taddies were always impressed, and it was great for morale. It must suck sometimes for Jack though, because he still got more attention than he was comfortable with. Coming around so often had helped and it wasn’t such a big deal by the end of last year, but then he had gotten the Calder. This new batch of taddies still hadn’t gotten over him. Everyone crowded him too much. Since he was the captain now, Chowder tried to save him sometimes by ordering everyone to back off and sending him and Bitty to Annie’s or somewhere where they could just breathe and catch up. They usually brought him back a carmel mocha macchiato, so he figured they appreciated it. He knew Jack and Bitty were close, and with Ransom and Holster and Lardo gone, the two of them had the most history.

He hoped Jack would still visit after Bitty graduated though. But he might not. Not as often, at least. Real lives get in the way.

If he moves to California, he won’t be able to come back and visit at all.

But he really shouldn’t be thinking about that right now. Right now he should be thinking about hockey. This was Bitty’s last year and he deserved a great season.

One thing that was great about Caitlin playing volleyball was that their seasons only overlapped a little bit. Chowder loved going to their games and cheering them on, even if he wasn’t allowed to use body paint anymore. Caitlin was a fantastic player and it made his heart swell with pride to watch her. 

She said that she loved to watch him too and she tried to make as many of the games at Faber as she could. Thankfully, today there were no games so they were hanging out on the beach and ignoring the books they were supposed to be studying.

“What are you thinking about?” she asked him. “You look so serious.”

This was probably the perfect time to bring up his worries about the future. 

“I… I’m just worried about Bitty. I think he’s going through a rough time right now.” 

Maybe not.

“Oh? He played really well on Tuesday.”

“Oh yeah, he was great. But I’m not talking about hockey.”

“Is someone giving him a hard time?” her voice suddenly got scary. Caitlin really liked Bitty. He was certain she would fuck up anyone giving Bitty a hard time way worse than he ever could.

“No,” he said quickly. He decided not to tell her about the secret boyfriend thing, since he hadn’t really confirmed that with Bitty. With his thoughts about unworthy boyfriends set aside, things really hadn’t been right with Bitty for a while. “He’s just off this year,” he tried to explain. “Like, he seems sad sometimes.”

“Are you sure it’s not because someone’s giving him a hard time? Because I could track them down.”

“I don’t know,” he said. “He hasn’t really said anything, but I haven’t really asked. I know he’s probably worried about where he’s going to end up next year. He hasn’t decided where yet, and he doesn’t know what he’s going to be doing. I mean, I know wherever he goes, he’ll find a great job and be really successful, but he might not know that yet. I guess that can be stressful.”

“I guess,” she replied, and oh no, she sounded thoughtful. He didn’t want the conversation to go any further in that direction; he wasn’t ready for that yet.

“But I don’t know if that’s what it is,” he said hurriedly. “I know that he gets unhappy sometimes now, in a way that’s not like him. I mean, I know everyone gets unhappy sometimes. Bitty hates it when we lose or when he misses shots; though it’s nothing like Jack used to get. He’s always gotten sad during sad movies, and sometimes after a conversation with his parents, when his father’s in one of those bonding moods, but now... I don’t know. It’s more random. Like, last week he was making the apple pie with the maple glaze on the crust. You know the one? You might not. You didn’t really get to try it that first year we were dating because it’s Jack’s favorite, and Bitty always gave him first dibs. So he was baking that and Dex said that he was going to get first dibs this time because he’s never got to try any. And Bitty got kinda quiet and sniffly and when he was finished he made sure Dex got the first two slices and he over-apologized for letting him down and promised to make him and the Haus some baked stuffed shrimp the next time he had enough money for a fancier dinner. It was actually pretty awkward. I don’t think Dex is going to call pie dibs again anytime soon.”

“Do you think there’s something going on between him and Dex?”

“No,” he said automatically. He wasn’t the brightest, but he was pretty sure Dex wasn’t the secret boyfriend. Besides, Chowder stole his phone all the time; whenever he temporarily misplaced his own, and Dex never panicked like he had secret incriminating texts or photos on it.

Besides, he didn’t really think Dex would be Bitty’s type. What would Bitty’s type be like?

“Okay,” Caitlin interrupted his thoughts. “Was there anything else that happened, or…?”

“Well, after that, he went up to his room for like, a long time,” he told her. “And I thought, since he was so upset he might be calling someone, skyping, doing his vlog, or something. Since I guess he didn’t want to talk to us. Maybe he was texting someone. I wouldn’t have heard that.

“Chris, were you eavesdropping?”

“No,” he assured her. “It’s not eavesdropping if you’re just standing in the hallway and you don’t hear anything.”

“Well, if you didn’t hear anything, you can’t say what was going on. He could have been doing a lot of things, I guess.”

“Yeah but, oh! He also started tearing up on Monday after he burned the crust on one of his pies. But that might have been just because he burned the crust. I might have started crying too, if it had been peach or apple. But I don’t like pumpkin pie much.”

“Me neither. I might have cried if it was one of his pecan pies though…” She trailed off, obviously thinking about the last time Chowder had managed to bring her one of Bitty’s pecan pies. It was only a mini-pie, but still. It had made her happy. Very happy. 

Chowder still owed Bitty for that one.

“Anyway, if you say something’s going on with Eric, you would know. You’re close to him. Have you tried to talk to him about it?”

“A little,” he said. It wasn’t really a lie. They had talked a little bit, even if it was about Bitty’s plans and not his secret boyfriend. But he didn’t want to mention to her that Bitty might be stressing out about the future. He didn’t want to bring up that whole subject with Caitlin again, because what if then she started to think about their future? What if she wanted to talk about it?

“Well, just keep trying,” she encouraged him. “And keep being a good friend.”

“I will,” he said, but he was a little distracted now because his mind was running around a little too fast. He loved Caitlin, and that’s why he’d been stressing out about his future. Because he wanted one with her.

Just how close was Bitty getting to his boyfriend?

After they finished all the studying they were going to do, he and Caitlin discreetly made out for a little bit before it was time for her to run off and meet with the group she was doing her sociology project with. Chowder headed back to the Haus and ended up knocking on Bitty’s door on a whim. Bitty called him in and he made himself at home by flopping on the empty bed. 

“What’s up?” he asked. Bitty was slouched at his desk in front of his computer. He looked unhappy, but like he was trying to mask it. He was doing a really bad job of masking it.

“Nothing much,” Bitty sighed. “How’s your day going? You see Farmer?”

“Just came from hanging,” he affirmed. 

“You guys need to go on more actual dates. Do something more romantic! I’d offer to try my hand at some Italian fare, but you really need to take that girl someplace much more fancy than the Haus.”

He almost started to defend his honor by describing the totally classy date they had gone on last month in California, but he got distracted when he saw Bitty’s computer screen. He was working on his resume.

Bitty must have seen him looking, because he shifted his chair to block it and continued talking, this time almost babbling, “I know you don’t have much money, but it’s worth saving up for! Or if you still have some Christmas money, use it on her. Dress up, take her out, show her off.”

Chowder figured that this would be as good an opening as any. “Where do you think? If it was you, where would you want to go?”

“On a date?”

“Yeah, a romantic date. If that boyfriend you’re always skyping was taking you out, where would you want to go?”

Bitty seemed to shut down. His face went blank for a few seconds. Not unhappy like before, just blank. He finally smiled again and tried to snort out a laugh. “Don’t be silly.”

“I’m not. Bitty, you’re a cute gay guy at Samwell. I know you’ve said you’ve never dated anyone before, but don’t pretend any of the boys here wouldn’t be super lucky to go out with you.”

“Aren’t you always the sweetest? But you better not be trying to set me up with any of them. You know I didn’t take that from Ransom and Holster when they tried. Besides, we were talking about you and Farmer. That girl is classy, and she deserves to be taken somewhere that accepts reservations.”

“You deserve that too.” And he knows he should stop there, but he just can’t help himself. “You deserve to go on a date with someone who isn’t ashamed of being seen with you in public.”

Bitty stared at him, eyes widening. “I don’t… Chowder…”

“It’s obvious,” Chowder told him.

“Don’t say that.” Now he’d really messed up because it looked like Bitty was about to cry. He didn’t want Bitty to cry.

“I’m sorry,” Chowder told him, “but it is. It’s obvious even to someone clueless, especially if they live across the hall from you. I haven’t told anyone else.”

“Please don’t,” Bitty whispered. “He’s not ready to come out yet.”

“Yeah, I guessed,” Chowder said. “But you just-- You deserve more than that. You deserve to be happy.”

“I am happy.”

“You’re crying.”

“You just can’t let anyone know. He’s not ready to let anyone know.”

“Don’t worry, I don’t even know who he is. And you don’t have to tell me. I just think you deserve better. You’re out and proud and he should be proud to be with you. You’re, like, the biggest catch at Samwell.”

Bitty blinked and stared at him for a few more seconds until his face crumpled up into something that almost weirdly looked like a laugh. “You’re always the sweetest. You really--you don’t know who he is?”

“I just know he’s lucky because he’s got to be the one you’re texting and skyping with most of the time. You text a lot, but a whole lot of them don’t end up on the group chat. And I’m pretty sure there have been a few nights where you’ve snuck out. I mean, good for you! I would totally give you a bro-five under any other circumstances.”

“Thank you,” Bitty said, and at least he wasn’t tearing up anymore. “Obvious, huh?”

“Yeah! I mean, I don’t think anyone else knows. Does anyone else know? How long have you been seeing him for?”

“I-It doesn’t matter. Listen Chowder, it’s not really what you think. He’s a really good guy. The best.”

“But don’t you want to go on dates with him? Go to romantic restaurants and bring him around to introduce him to everyone? I’m sure everyone would love to meet him and I know Shitty and Jack would come too. This is a big deal Bitty, you’re not like most of the others, I don’t think you really do casual. You’re more like me.”

“I could do casual,” Bitty protested.

“Okay,” Chowder said dubiously. “You could do casual. But that’s not what this is, is it?”

Bitty looked very much like he wanted to keep protesting, but he finally sighed and nodded his head. “No,” he said. “It’s not casual.”

“Let me meet him,” Chowder said. “C’mon, just me. You can promise him I won’t tell anyone else anything. I swear. Not even Farmer.”

“Not yet. Maybe soon? But not yet.”

“Okay,” Chowder said, because there was nothing else he could really say to that. He couldn’t force Bitty to tell him anything. He wasn’t an almost-lawyer like Shitty, he knew he wouldn’t be able to use his words to change the mind of someone so stubborn. 

Silence lingered in the room for almost a minute before Bitty broke it. “I know you’re going to like him when you meet him,” he said with a slight smile. “He really is… he’s special. He’s worth this.”

“I hope so. I just want to see you happy. Like Farmer makes me happy. I love to be around her all the time, and even if I’m not with her, I can just think about her and be happy. You always tell me you can figure out when I’ve been with her because of the look on my face.”

“He makes me so happy,” Bitty said, and he really did sound like he meant it. Chowder wasn’t going to argue, but he must have had some sort of look on his face, because after Bity met his eyes he continued his defense forcefully. “He really does. He’s so great. It’s not his fault that he can’t come out.” 

Bitty kept going, but he sounded less forceful now. 

“He just… can’t. It’s not that simple. It’s not a good idea for him right now.”

“Is it about his parents?” Chowder asked, but then he wondered if he wasn’t supposed to ask that. He knew things were still pretty touchy with Bitty and his own father. Chowder couldn’t imagine being anything but 1000% honest with his parents, but if Bitty already had some experience living with a father that wasn’t accepting, it made sense that he was extra forgiving of whatever his boyfriend’s issues were. “Is he in danger of, like, getting kicked out or cut off or something?” Maybe he wasn’t supposed to ask that either. But Bitty didn’t look upset or overly horrified. He just looked frustrated.

“It’s complicated,” Bitty finally told him after a minute where he looked like he was struggling for words. “It’s- I’m sorry, I can’t really talk about it. It’s not my secret to tell.”

“Okay. But… if there is anything you want to talk about, now that you have someone else who knows, you can talk to me anytime. Okay? I mean, just like I talk to you about Farmer sometimes, you can talk to me. And if you ever decide to tell me who he is or let me meet him, I won’t out him. I wouldn’t do that. I can be good at keeping secrets.”

“Thanks,” Bitty said, and he looked like he believed that Chowder was serious. “Like I said, he’s not ready. I don’t think we’re at the point where you can meet him yet, but I’ll let you know. And I’ll let you know if I ever want to talk about anything. I promise.”

Bitty didn’t initiate any boyfriend conversations with him for the next couple of weeks, though Chowder didn’t know whether that was because he didn’t have anything to talk about or if they were just too busy, especially with all the roadies they seemed to be going on. Chowder really had to put his energy back into the team anyway, because they were doing really well, and he needed to make sure they kept up the pace. They had a really good shot at going far in the playoffs, he thought, and he didn’t want to let anyone down.

He had been holding it together pretty well so far. For example, the amount of shutouts the team had were climbing and made him feel pretty proud when he stopped to think about them. But there was still a lot to worry about and he still had the sense that things could fall apart at any time before they even made it to the playoffs.

Bitty was a great player, but he could do even better. Chowder knew it because he had seen it with Jack. Jack himself was in a league of his own and he couldn’t fault his teammates for not living up to that professional standard. But the way Bitty had played with him, had connected with him and fed off of his energy, could possibly be duplicated if he could get his other forwards to step up and to work together at that next level.

And their defense was still suffering. Nursey and Dex were both great players, individually, but they weren’t syncing up very well and they had let a few more pucks get to him during the last game. He caught them all, but neither deftly nor confidently. They were lucky, skin-of-your teeth catches and he hated relying on that. 

He’d been spoiled last year by Ransom and Holster, and maybe it wasn’t fair to Nursey and Dex to compare them--just like it wasn’t fair to compare Bitty with Jack to Bitty with everyone else. There’s playing in sync, and then there’s playing so smooth it’s like you’re reading each other’s minds. He wanted to keep high expectations for everyone, but they needed to work with what they had.

He had been thinking lately again that everyone really made a mistake when they made him captain, though he was careful not to say it out loud, especially to Bitty. If Bitty caught wind of how he was feeling, he would fuss over him and say all sorts of things that would be nice, but that wouldn’t be helpful. Because lately he’s been thinking the biggest problem is that he’s the goalie. Traditionally, goalies aren’t captains and there are all sorts of reasons for that, but the one that applies most to him he thinks, is the fact that he’s so separate from them during the games and during the practices. Yes, they have Coach Hall and Coach Murray to direct the play and give the official feedback, but Jack always found time to skate over and give words of encouragement or advice in the middle of everything. Chowder just can’t do that. He can talk to them in the locker room or at the beginning of practice or during breaks, but he just can’t be right there with them.

Bitty’s stepped up with the encouragement and Chowder tries to make mental notes about feedback to give later, but he just misses so much. Giving feedback is the suckiest part of being the captain anyway. On the one hand, he doesn’t want anyone to get mad at him, but on the other hand, if he’s noticing something the coaches haven’t addressed yet he’d be a really bad captain if he didn’t bring it up. And he doesn’t want to be a bad captain.

“How do you think Whiskey’s doing?” he asked Bitty on their way home from a game in upstate New York. 

“I know he’s trying,” Bitty said. “He’s in his own head so much, it’s hard to tell.”

“I meant on the ice,” Chowder told him. “I meant with you and the other front line players.”

“Oh. Same answer, I guess,” Bitty replied.

Chowder sighed, and decided not to push it. 

“You’re usually more cheerful after a win,” Bitty told him. “Whiskey’s going to be fine, I promise.”

“I know,” Chowder said. “Maybe it’s just all the time on the road getting to me. It’ll be nice to get back home. It’ll be nice to have Farmer be able to come to some of the games again.” He felt bad about whining in front of Bitty, but he really did miss his girlfriend. They never managed to successfully Skype the same way Bitty seemed to.

“It’ll be good to play at Faber again,” Bitty agreed, but then he sighed as well. “I keep forgetting how few games I really have left with y’all.”

“Yeah, don’t remind me. I don’t know what the front line’s going to look like next year.”

“I bet you’ll get another great group of taddies in,” Bitty told him.

“Hope so. I’ll still miss you.” Shit. Now Bitty looked sad again. Chowder mentally kicked himself. “Hey… if you haven’t started making people work for their Haus dibs yet, you should start,” he added, trying to lighten the mood. “I bet you could think of something fun to make them do.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t do that.”

“C’mon, you have to admit it was a little funny, the way Holster was making Dex run around at this point last year. I don’t think he can show his face in The Well anymore.”

“Well, we didn’t have to work for our dibs. And I think that was nice. Johnson just… gave his to me. I still don’t know why. Though I don’t know why he did a lot of the things he did. He was a pretty weird dude.”

“I’m pretty sure he did it because he is a wise and kind person who thought the rest of us deserved a world in which you have free access to a kitchen. And I hope we have proven worthy of that.”

“I don’t even remember him liking my cooking all that much.”

“Now me on the other hand… I definitely didn’t deserve my dibs. It was so nice when Jack gave it to me, though. I was so disappointed when we lost the last game that year. I really felt like I let him down. Well, I let everyone down, but Jack specifically. You know, he tried so hard and he played so well. I just really wanted to help get that win for him. And after, I just felt like I let him down. But he was so nice about it. He was such a good captain.”

“He was,” Bitty agreed.

“And I’m glad he was able to show everyone what he could do last year. And I hope the Falconers go all the way this year. Well, almost all the way. You know, all the way until they meet the Sharks, at least. But the point is, he’s going to have such a great career, and the lack of a college championship isn’t going to matter in the long run. But in the moment, it felt like everything. That’s when he gave me his dibs. He let me know that he didn’t hold anything against me and that he still believed in me. It meant a lot.”

Bitty smiled wide. “Jack’s such a good guy,” he said. “And he made a good choice in giving you his dibs. I remember being so disappointed after that game too, but you’re right. It’s going to be a drop in the bucket compared to the rest of his career.”

“Yeah, ooh, do you think he’ll make captain of the Falconers one day? I bet he will.”

“I think he’ll get at least the A.”

“And they’ll probably get the Cup soon too. Not this year, though--I have a feeling this year belongs to the Sharks--but soon.”

“They’re doing so well… I hope so. Jack deserves it.”

“As long as he keeps visiting us after he’s a Stanley Cup winner!”

“I’m sure he’ll make time for the little people.”

“Actually, speaking of-- Do you know the next time he’s going to visit? I know he’s busy, but it’s always ‘swawesome whenever he can make it over.” 

Bitty lifted the phone in his hand and gave it a quick wave toward him. “I’ll text him you said that,” he said with a grin and started typing away.

“Okay,” Chowder said, pulling out his own phone. “Let me know what he says.” He started composing his own message to Caitlin and they texted back and forth a little bit as the bus rolled them home.

Two Saturdays after that, Jack did come to visit again, and he got Shitty to come too. Lardo had made it the last time they came, but she couldn’t this time and that seemed to depress both Shitty and Whiskey. Chowder couldn’t help but be excited though. There were plenty of people that he missed, it was good just to have two of them back for a while. They decided to throw an informal party that night, partly because of the visit, but mostly because it was a Saturday. But first, they all just kind of hung out. It was nice. The Haus was full with everyone just hanging out (and hanging on Jack and Shitty’s every word), and Bitty somehow had enough food available to feed a large army, or at least a normal sized hockey team. Chowder figured he had to have known ahead of time about the visit. Bitty could put out an impressive amount of food on a normal day, but this was more than a little beyond that. Plus, he had started baking early, so he was pretty much done by noontime, able to sit and relax and hang out with everyone.

Chowder was usually by Jack, but Shitty had grabbed him this time and was talking his ear off about something boring like the Supreme Court or the specific ways in which all of his classmates were douches. Chowder preferred it when he could sit by Jack because it was pretty easy to get Jack into a hockey conversation. All you basically had to do was mention hockey. Chowder loved it, and he loved hearing Jack’s opinions about the other teams, but it got a little stressful when he talked about the Sharks. Chowder loved the Sharks, but he also really loved the Falconers. But he really really loved the Sharks. But the Falconers had Jack. But the Sharks were his favorite team. It was just better to ignore the Sharks and spend the extra time shit talking the Bruins instead. At least the Sharks and the Falconers didn’t play each other too often.

He occasionally checked on Jack to make sure he didn’t seem overwhelmed and that Chowder and the rest of the team weren’t being too annoying. Luckily, even though there were so many people around, everyone was pretty chill.

Caitlin came over a little early, supposedly to help set up, but really just to hang with them because she had nothing to do before the party. Usually this would be time the two of them spent together, and typically they would end up back at her place. It was really nice that he had his own room at the Haus, but she had her own room too and her place had a lot less foot traffic. It was definitely the place to go when they needed some quality make-out time. 

But today Jack and Shitty were visiting, so it was a special occasion and neither of them minded.

When people started arriving Chowder, unable to help himself, started wondering if any of them might be Bitty’s boyfriend. Bitty had remained very tight-lipped about the whole situation and Chowder hadn’t really pushed, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t curious. He kind of suspected that the boyfriend went to Samwell, but that didn’t help him narrow it down any. He didn’t really know a lot of people at Samwell, outside the hockey and the volleyball team. He still got a little frustrated if he thought about Bitty’s boyfriend too much. He just wished things could be as easy for Bitty as they were with him and Caitlin. 

Though that was part of the problem too--things were simple with them now, but wouldn’t be after graduation. That must be the same problem Bitty was struggling with; except for with Bitty, that was coming up in just a matter of months.

He couldn’t help Bitty with any of this--he couldn’t even help himself--so for now, he was just going to enjoy the party and hope Bitty could do the same.

The party started to get into in full swing and he lost track of everyone for a while, even Caitlin. Though he was pretty sure she went to the backyard to gossip with some of her girlfriends from the team. He ended up winning an argument about the Sharks with one of Jazzy’s friends and losing an embarrassing game of beer pong to Nursey.

When Caitlin caught up with him again, he was looking for Bitty. He thought Bitty should know that someone spilled salsa on one of the cushions of the green couch. He had tried to clean it up, but he was pretty sure it was still going to end up as another suspiciously shaped stain unless someone else intervened.

After he explained the problem to her she suggested pouring seltzer water on it, but they couldn’t find any seltzer. Then she suggested they go upstairs to look for Bitty. That was a wonderful suggestion, because he was pretty sure going upstairs was going to end up with them making out in his bedroom. 

They headed up together and, as they danced around the caution tape, Chowder saw Jack in the hallway. 

“Hey, Jack!” he said. “What are you doing up here? Do you miss your old room?”

“Oh, I… hi. Yeah,” he stammered, eyes a little wide.

Chowder flung the door open and stepped in, Caitlin right behind him. “I kinda made it my own,” he said, looking around, trying to see it through Jack’s eyes. “I do have a Falconer’s jersey too!!” he said quickly. “It’s in the closet. I think.”

“It looks nice, Chowder,” Jack said awkwardly, still in the hall. 

“Oh, hey,” Caitlin said. “Have you seen Eric? We were looking for him.”

“What? No! I… I mean, no, I haven’t seen Bitty,” Jack told them. 

“Oh, okay,” Caitlin said, sitting herself on the bed.

“I’ll just go look downstairs,” Jack said. “I’ll tell him you were looking for him if I see him.”

“Nah, just tell him there’s a salsa stain on the couch,” Chowder said, walking back over to the door and fiddling with the handle.

Jack gave him a quick grin. “Right. I’ll do that.” He headed off downstairs and Chowder grabbed a shirt off the dirty laundry pile to hang on the door before closing it and turning back to Caitlin.

“Great party,” she said with a smile. She somehow already had her shirt off.

Chowder figured he was the luckiest guy in the whole world.

Chowder had an idea. He was sure it was a really, really good idea. It might not be, but he was pretty sure.

The first step in his plan was to secure some of Bitty’s time. Bitty was always so busy. He was always finding something to do, someone to help, or something to cook, even during what was supposed to be his downtime. The time when Chowder napped or watched sports and when Dex played his video games or read his thick books. Bitty said that baking was his relaxation, but Chowder didn’t think it could count as a hobby if it provided such a needed service and made so many other people so happy. If Bitty had a real hobby, it was probably vlogging or maybe being a Twitter star. 

In any case, he needed some prime Bitty time, preferably on a Friday when there were no otherwise enticing parties scheduled. As it turned out, all he had to do was ask him for some bro time and Bitty cleared his schedule.

The second step in his plan was to secure some quality weed. “Like, the really good stuff,” he told Nursey. Nursey was a total bro and came through. Luckily for Chowder’s bank account, he didn’t even charge when he found out that the plan was to use it to get Bitty to relax and unwind. As a slight roadblock, he almost insisted on joining the two of them, but Chowder pulled the captain card and Nursey was too chill to argue about it.

So the third step was to get Bitty to agree to go along with the plan. Chowder figured it wouldn’t be too hard since he knew Bitty had smoked a few times before, though not a lot and not lately.

“So what’s up?” Bitty asked him after Chowder managed to clear out the Haus and they had gotten settled in the backyard. “Is there something you need to talk about or…?”

“Not really,” Chowder told him. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to press you about the boyfriend. I figured we could just relax and, you know, have a fun night.”

Bitty looked at him skeptically. “So do you want to… like, go see a movie or something?”

“No,” Chowder said, and brought out the baggie.

“Chris!” Bitty exclaimed.

“What?” he asked. “It’s good stuff, Nursey promised me.”

“You don’t smoke,” Bitty told him.

“I’ve gotten high before and so have you,” Chowder argued back. “Nursey says it’s good. Let’s give it a try!”

“You asked for bro time so we could get high together?”

“I think this is like, Shitty’s definition of bro time.”

“You aren’t Shitty and neither am I. What’s going on?”

“Well, if you don’t want to, it’s okay- I don’t want to, like, peer pressure you or anything. But I just figured you need to relax. You know, let go of your problems for a while.”

“Find my chill?”

“Well, yeah. Just for one night, at least.”

“Chowder, I’m really fine,” Bitty insisted. “I don’t need to get high to relax. I’m not saying no, I’m just saying you didn’t have to set this up. You don’t have to worry about me. That’s not your job.”

“Why not?” Chowder asked.

“Because it’s my job to worry about you,” Bitty told him.

Chowder frowned. “But we’re friends, right? Why can’t I try to help you? I know you let Ransom and Holster help you with things. And I’m your captain now, so it’s my extra responsibility to look out for you.”

“You shouldn’t have to feel that way,” Bitty frowned.

“It’s not, like, an obligation. Bitty, you’re my friend. You’ve helped me so much. Like, I’m pretty sure Farmer would never have given me a chance without you. You’ve helped me with homesickness and just, everything. And I think this’ll help you too a little bit. Just one night of letting it all go. Just hanging with a bro and no worrying about the future.”

Bitty looked at him, then the bag, then at him again, before finally relenting. “Okay,” he said, a fond smile creeping onto his face. 

So the last step was actually doing the deed. It was the perfect night for it, clear and quiet. Chowder found himself gazing up at the stars as he started to feel the effects of the pot. Nursey was right, it felt like the good stuff. It felt amazing, like he could get lost in the crystal stars, and everything would be okay.

The stars were beautiful, he mused, but not as beautiful as his girlfriend. “I think my girlfriend is the most beautiful girl at this school,” he decided to tell Bitty. He knew Bitty was off to his side somewhere, but he didn’t pull his eyes from the stars. “She might even be the most beautiful girl in the whole state. I’m so lucky.”

“I’m lucky too,” he heard Bitty say.

“Not as lucky as me!” Chowder replied, and then he asked thoughtfully, “You’re not jealous, are you?”

“I’m not jealous,” Bitty said. Chowder finally looked over at him to see him simply staring at the stars as well. “Farmer is really pretty-”

“Yeah! She is!”

“But my boyfriend is pretty too. And he’s also really handsome. And strong.”

“Not as strong as Caitlin!”

“I’m pretty sure he’s stronger than Caitlin.”

“Well okay, but I’m pretty sure he’s not as good at volleyball. And that his hair doesn’t smell as nice.”

“He’s good at a lot of things. But I’m pretty sure I’m not supposed to be talking about him right now.”

“That’s okay, we can talk about Caitlin instead. Did you know her hair smells like strawberries? And she’s super tall. It’s so awesome. Oh, crap. Am I rambling? I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Bitty reassured him. “You’re only rambling a little more than you usually do.”

“Well, I better shut up, because I can talk about Caitlin all day. Do you want to talk about baking? Because I know you love to bake. I think that is so cool. I love it when you cook stuff. I don’t think there’s been a single thing you’ve ever made that wasn’t amazingly delicious. I don’t know how you do it, but I don’t like to question it too much. But yeah, you could talk about baking!”

“Okay,” Bitty said. “Let’s talk about baking. I love to bake.” He didn’t get much further than that, because he seemed to crack himself up laughing.

Chowder decided to help him out a little. “You could bake pot brownies for us next time! I bet they would taste sooo good. Pot brownies were the best invention ever.”

“No way,” Bitty said, shaking off the giggles. “Too pedestrian.”

“Well, I bet you could put pot into anything and make it great,” Chowder said. “You’re such a genius. Oh my god, I know what we should do! We should totally go and watch all of those baking vlogs you do. I can’t believe I’ve never seen any of them before.”

“No way,” Bitty said. “You don’t want to watch those, those are boring.”

“No, I bet they’re so interesting! Like, they’re you! And then you’re talking about baking! And then you’re making pies appear!”

“That’s just editing, Chowder. Trust me, you would hate it. One time you drank three cans of Mountain Dew then fell asleep on the couch just because I had the Food Network on.”

“Well the Food Network’s boring. And it’s not my fault I fell asleep! They were cooking ham and green beans. So boring.”

“I should make you watch Cake Wars with me sometime.”

“Yeah! That sounds way more interesting!” 

“Nah, we’ll see how long you last before begging me to turn on sports, or start up the X-Box.”

Chowder figured that the X-Box sounded like a fantastic idea, but Bitty wasn’t in the mood, so they stayed out for a while longer, taking the occasional hit and staring at the sky. Chowder found himself lost in the stars again, but at least he forgot to ramble on as much.

“Thank you,” Bitty told him later, when they were heading inside to escape the increasingly bitter cold, and find something to munch on. 

“Anytime,” Chowder replied. “Though maybe reconsider your stance on pot brownies next time. I’m really hungry.”

Jack came up for another visit, and this time it was on a Tuesday and there wasn’t even a game for him to go to. When he arrived he looked happy, like he always did lately. Ever since he graduated and started playing for the Falconers he’d seemed happier. Chowder thought being a professional athlete was a good look on him.

There weren’t that many people at the Haus, so when Chowder had finished his regularly scheduled embarrassing fanboying (he was proud of himself; it was shorter and less shrill each time Jack visited) he left Jack in the kitchen, where he was watching Bitty prep a tray of blueberry-lemon poppy muffins. He decided to head up to his room to chill out, catch up on some hockey highlights, and text Caitlin.

He was surprised when Bitty knocked on his door less than an hour later. He had figured that the two of them would be good for a while, especially since Bitty was only beginning to plan for the baked goods he wanted to make.

“Jack wants to talk to you,” Bitty told him when he opened the door. He had a weird tone, somewhat smug or self-satisfied, as though he knew exactly why Jack wanted to talk to Chowder, but wasn’t going to tell.

Chowder tried anyway. “What’s going on?” he asked.

“Nothing bad,” Bitty told him. “He just wants to talk to you.”

Chowder followed Bitty down to the kitchen where Jack was still at the kitchen table, though he was now sitting next to a whole lot of flour and some unrolled dough. “Hey,” he said. “Want to go to Annie’s?”

“Yes, yes, I love Annie’s!” Chowder couldn’t respond fast enough. He was going to get to go to Annie’s with Jack! Usually only Bitty got to go to Annie’s with Jack. He was basically on cloud nine as they waved goodbye to Bitty and headed out. It was bitingly cold out--the perfect weather for a hot drink--and he said that to Jack as they walked. He then started babbling about skating on the pond and having hot chocolate with Farmer. He was probably making a fool out of himself but he didn’t really care.

When they got there, Jack ordered his boring old normal coffee and Chowder decided on apple cider with extra caramel. Jack paid, which was really nice. 

“So,” Jack told him when they were settled, “You’re having a really great year.”

“Thanks!” Chowder said. “We are! I’m really proud of how everyone is doing!” He might still be a little worried about the team working together, or about his ability to take them as far as they deserved to go, but overall it was true.

“Well, yeah, the team’s doing great. But Chowder, I’m talking about you. You’re doing amazing. You were already a solid goaltender when we were playing together, and that’s when you were just a freshman. You’ve only improved since then. I mean, the amount of shut-outs you’ve had this season has been very impressive.”

“Oh my god, Jack! Thank you!” Chowder was a little overwhelmed, because he was pretty sure that was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to him.

“So I was wondering… what are your plans for after Samwell?”

His mind went blank for a moment. “My-- My plans? I don’t know yet.”

“Have you thought about going pro?”

That was a ridiculous question, because of course he’s thought about going pro. Hell, half the time he goes on the ice, he pretends it’s his debut game as the starting goalie for the Sharks (and one traitorous time when Jack was visiting, that it was his debut game for the Falconers). And sometimes it was there at the back of his mind, distracting him by flashing a hopeful beacon any time he tried to force himself to think about what life would be like after he graduated. But there’s a difference between wanting something and being good enough for it. It was like his friend Johnny, who joined the Air Force, but was never going to be an astronaut. 

So before he let himself switch from impossible-dream-that-is-fun-to-think-about to realistic-goal-if-you-work-hard-enough, he had to know.

“Do you think I’m good enough?”

“I do,” Jack said. He grinned at him with a the wide, unfettered smile of a man who knew he was making someone’s day.

“Oh my god. Seriously? You seriously think I’m good enough?”

“I do. Not only from your record this year, but from what I’ve seen when I come to watch your games. And I know I’m not the only one who’s noticed.”

“Oh my god, Jack!”

“Now, you still have the rest of this season, and I would recommend finishing your senior year and getting your degree, rather than trying to join this year--”

“Oh my god!”

“But if you keep training, and work hard--”

“I am going to work so hard, Jack Zimmermann, don’t you worry,”

“And there’s no guarantees-”

“I know. I know there’s no guarantees when it comes to hockey. I know I could have a really bad season next year. I know maybe no one’s really going to need a goaltender enough to go for me. But-- you think I’m good enough. And that’s everything right now. I want to try.”

“Good,” Jack said, and he still had a wide smile on his face. Chowder was sure his face matched. “Now, if you want, I can hook you up with some people to talk about the process. I know George would like to talk to you. And I never… I never actually went through the draft, but I know the mechanics of it, and I know lots of people who did.”

This was ‘swawesome. And a little overwhelming. But mostly ‘swawesome. 

“Okay,” he said. “Maybe I can come visit you after our season is over. Maybe I can talk to George then? I’ll bring Bitty too, he’d love to come see you.”

“That’d be great,” Jack said.

“Wow,” Chowder said. He was still a little overwhelmed. But mostly he felt light. He had been stressing about the future for a couple of months now, but he finally had a goal, something he could focus on and work towards. And that goal was hockey. Wasn’t his life just perfect? Was this the way Jack felt every day? 

They sat in silence for a little bit, and Chowder figured Jack was being patient, giving him time to process. This was a lot to think about. He needed to finally suck it up, find his courage, and talk to Caitlin. She deserved to know his plans at least, even if the end result would be uncertain for a while. He knew she would be proud of him, but he didn’t know what would happen next.

And that made him think of Bitty, who was dealing with all of this right now, with no dream job directing his movement. 

Chowder looked at Jack, who was still smiling, patiently sipping his coffee. “Hey, since you’re here, we should probably talk about Bitty.”

“What about Bitty?” Jack asked, his attention back on Chowder.

“Well, he’s been a little down lately.”

“He has?” Jack asked, the smile immediately falling from his face.

“I think he’s worried about where he’s going to end up after he graduates,” Chowder told him.

“He is? I thought he was, I mean, he’s talked to me about moving to Providence.”

“Yeah, he mentioned that,” Chowder said, “but he’s not sure. He keeps mentioning going back to Georgia, and let me tell you, I think that would be a mistake.”

“Going back to Georgia?” Jack started looking distressed. Chowder didn’t blame him. He would hate it if Bitty moved so far away too. “He said that? You’re sure?”

“Yeah, and he sounds so unhappy every time he mentions it! I told him, ‘you don’t have to do anything that makes you unhappy,’ but he just keeps saying it would be easiest.”

“Oh. I didn’t know that,” Jack said. “I guess I should...talk to him?”

“If you’re going to talk to him-- Well, I want to talk to you about something else, too.”

“What?” Jack asked. He still looked distracted.

“Well, I’m not sure I should be telling you this. I’m not sure if I’m going to be breaking a promise.”

“If it’s about Bitty, you should tell me. I need to know.”

“I know,” Chowder said. “Because I know that Bitty’s my best friend but… I’m not his. I think you’re his best friend, Jack. So you should know about this too, in case he wants to talk to you about it. He hasn’t really opened up to me yet and I still think he might need to.”

Jack almost looked scared now. “Chowder, what’s going on?”

“Bitty’s got a boyfriend,” Chowder informed him. “A secret one. He hasn’t told anyone about it, but I figured it out.”

“Bitty’s got… a boyfriend?” Jack asked, “Well… good for him, right?”

“Well, yeah,” Chowder said, “I think it’s great that Bitty’s dating. But I’m afraid this guy might be a total douche.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, well, I haven’t met him yet, because they’re only dating in secret. And even though I’m in the know now, Bitty said this guy wouldn’t be comfortable meeting me. Apparently he’s really deep in the closet. I said that I’d keep it a secret, and that I’d never out anyone, but it hasn’t made a difference. Bitty doesn’t want me to meet him.”

“So… what has Bitty said about him that makes you think he’s a douche? Has Bitty said that he’s… not treating him right?”

“Oh no, nothing like that! He hasn’t said that much at all, really. It’s just that I think he’s making Bitty really unhappy. I know it’s somehow tied up in Bitty’s planning for his future, but I don’t really know what’s going on, because it’s all locked up tight, and Bitty won’t really open up to me. I haven’t been pushing, but that’s just because I know how stubborn Bitty is. I think he’d be a lot more likely to open up to you than to me.”

“Okay,” Jack said quietly. “Maybe he’ll talk to me.”

“I think he will,” Chowder said, “You’re so close, I mean, otherwise I wouldn’t have even told you about the secret boyfriend part. I hope it all works out, but I really have a bad feeling about this boyfriend in general. I mean, I know it’s hard for some people to come out, but I still think it makes him a douche. Bitty really deserves a boyfriend who’s proud to be with him. Someone who’ll take him on dates and show him off. Bitty’s a catch and that guy should be super proud to have him.” 

“Well… like you said, it’s hard for some people to come out. He could be really scared to come out for legitimate reasons. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t really lo-- er, care about Bitty.”

“Yeah, no, I know. I was thinking about that too. I know I’m probably being really unfair because, what if he’s in a situation where his parents will disown him if he comes out? I mean, that would be horrible, and nobody should have to make that decision, right? I mean, some parents are like that. Not everybody has great parents like we do.”

“Y-yeah,” Jack stammered.

“And I know that’s something Bitty’s struggled with as well, so I know he’d be really sympathetic. So maybe I’m being unfair. Shitty would probably tell me I am. He’d tell me that my straight privilege is blinding me. Or something. The point is, I can’t care as much about that. I can’t care about his feelings because I care about Bitty, and Bitty’s really unhappy right now."

Jack sat there quietly, but he looked as upset at the idea of Bitty being unhappy as Chowder was, so he continued. “I really want to help him, but I don’t know how. So you’ll help me? You’ll talk to him?”

“Yeah,” Jack told him softly, seriously. “I’ll talk to Bitty.”

They finished their drinks shortly after that and headed back to the Haus. Jack didn’t say much, but Chowder was still in a pretty good mood, so he did the talking for both of them. He filled Jack in on all of the Samwell campus and team gossip that had accumulated in the short time since Jack’s last visit.

“Hi Bitty!” Chowder greeted when they arrived back to the kitchen. 

“Hey guys,” Bitty said, with a big smile that told him Bitty knew exactly what he and Jack had been discussing. 

“I have bad news,” Chowder told him, though he wasn’t being serious at all, and he knew Bitty knew it. “I’m going to have to start eating less of your pies. Not none of them, just less of them. Also, I have to go google “best work-out plans for goaltenders”. Again.”

“I can ask Snowy and get back to you on that,” Jack told him.

“Thanks, that’d be great!” Chowder said, but he still headed out of the kitchen and up to his room because he needed to give Jack and Bitty some private time to talk.

He really hoped Bitty wasn’t angry with him for betraying his confidence. He only wanted to help and he hoped Bitty realized that. It would suck if he was mad, because he could get a little mean and a lot scary at people if he felt they deserved it. To be fair, they usually did deserved it.

In almost no time at all, he heard a knock on his door. “Hi, come in,” he called, and Bitty opened it. He didn’t look angry or upset, he just looked a little confused. “Did Jack leave already?” he asked, since he didn’t see anyone behind Bitty.

“Yeah. He kinda left in a hurry. Did something happen when you guys were out? Did he get any emergency texts?”

“Um, he didn’t say anything,” Chowder said, because he was a dirty coward and, if he could postpone negative effects, he would do it for as long as possible.

“Okay,” Bitty said, with what might have been a suspicious look. Chowder wasn’t sure, but he probably would have bet on it, since he was horrible at keeping things from people. “Well,” he continued after a moment, “you guys did get to talk about hockey, right?”

“Yeah! I can’t believe it, Bitty. He actually thinks I’m really good!”

“You are!” 

“I’m so excited. It’s like everything I ever wanted! I’m going to work so hard for this.”

“Well,” Bitty told him, “I know you’re going all in on this, but just remember growing athletes need lots of calories. And even Jack finds room for my baked goods every once in awhile.”

“Is that your way of telling me your muffins are ready?” Chowder asked him hopefully.

“It might be.”

They headed back down together. Chowder only had two muffins, which was a sacrifice because they were extra delicious. They didn’t talk about Jack again for the rest of the night, but Chowder noticed that Bitty checked his phone for messages a little more often than usual.

Now that he finally decided to suck it up and have a conversation with Caitlin about their future--and now that he had more of an idea of what he wanted his future to be--Chowder wanted to do it as soon as possible. He figured that now was probably the perfect time to take her to that fancy dinner she deserved, which he could probably afford if he scraped together the last of his Christmas money that hadn’t already been lost to the sin bin. 

He tried to find a place by looking on Yelp first, but when nothing seemed right, he started asking his other teammates for recommendations. That was a mistake. Everyone started chirping him about proposing to Farmer, and he didn’t even get any good suggestions. In fact, he was pretty sure everyone was going out of their way to provide horrible ones. The only place Whiskey recommended that hadn’t recently re-opened after being closed down for health code violations, was the one that was still closed down for health code violations. 

Finally, he just ended up asking Caitlin where she would like to go, and it turned out that she already had a place she had been wanting to try. It was French, very nice, and only a little intimidating. They made reservations, but there was a last minute opening at 5 o’clock on Friday.

It was definitely a suit-and-tie type of night, so Bitty helped him lay everything out that morning before his early class. He wouldn’t be able to help Chowder actually get ready, because he was leaving for the weekend as soon as his class got out. Bitty didn’t seem very excited about his plans, and at first Chowder thought that it might have something to do with the mystery boyfriend, but then he remembered the conversation at Annie’s and guessed, “Is it Jack? Are you going to visit him? I know he had to leave early when he was here before.” 

Bitty confirmed that he was, in fact, going to Providence, and Chowder was heartened by the fact that Jack was going to talk to Bitty after all. He was still a little scared of Bitty being mad at him after, but it would be worth it if Jack could help him.

So he got ready by himself and he figured he was looking pretty good, but all of that flew from his mind when he saw Caitlin in her beautiful blue dress. In spite of the fact that his collar was too tight, and his sleeves were a little short, he really got the appeal of formal clothes.

The dinner part of dinner wasn’t too much of a disaster. The food tasted pretty good, if not as good as it probably should’ve been, given the cost. He didn’t drop anything, spill anything, or embarrass himself in that particular way at least. Caitlin really seemed to be enjoying everything, even the escargot mushrooms she got as an appetizer. They stuck to light conversation for the majority of the meal, talking about inconsequential things that had happened that week, and gossiping a little about their teammates. He got a little distracted when the waiter brought their dessert over, because Caitlin had ordered a crepe suzette. But finally, after the flames went out and the waiter left them alone to enjoy their treat, he gathered his nerves.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you too,” she replied with a smile. She looked so happy. He wanted to keep her happy forever.

“I’ve been thinking a lot lately,” he told her, “about the future. I guess because I’m watching Bitty go through his senior year, you know, start making plans for after graduation. We’re not too far behind him. I love it here at Samwell, and I wish it could last forever, but it can’t. So I’ve been thinking about what happens after we leave. Where we’re going to end up. I was wondering, since I know you usually think about things way more than I do, what you’ve been thinking about. Where you think you want to end up.”

“Well…” she started, then paused to take a deep breath before continuing, “I was figuring, with an engineering degree, I would have to look for a job near a bigger city, but it doesn’t matter where that city is. I could probably go anywhere.” She looked at him earnestly, shyly, and his heart nearly burst in his chest. 

“I’ve been thinking too,” he said bravely, “that it’s more important… who you end up with, rather than where you end up.”

“Do you think you want to end up with me?” she asked quietly.

“I know I do,” he said. “But there’s something else. It’s important who you’re with, but it’s also important what you do.”

“And what do you want to do?”

“I want to enter the NHL draft,” he told her seriously.

She blinked. He figured she probably wasn’t expecting that. “Are you serious?” she finally asked. “Do you think… do you think you have a shot?”

“Jack thinks I do,” he told her proudly. “And I really want to try. If I do make it, I don’t know where I’ll end up. But wherever it is… it’ll definitely be near a city.”

“Holy fuck,” she said. “Oh my god. I mean, I’ve always known you were so great at hockey, but I’m your girlfriend and I figured I might be a little biased.”

“I get it,” he said. “I still don’t quite believe it myself. I mean, I’m still going to have to work really, really hard. And I might not make it.” 

“But you have to try,” she said.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “I have to try. If I have any chance, I have to go for it. And it might be selfish to ask, but like I said, I just, I want you right there with me. Wherever I end up.”

She reached across the table and squeezed his hand. “Sweetie, I want to be right there with you. I told you, I can find a job a lot of places.”

“We might end up somewhere cool,” he told her optimistically. “Or someplace cold, like Minnesota.”

“Oh, or we could end up in San Jose!”

“No no no, don’t say that!” he told her quickly. “Don’t put that out there, don’t say it out loud. I don’t want to get my hopes up, and I definitely don’t want to jinx it.”

“You’re so superstitious.”

“That’s not even superstitious,” he argued. “That’s just reasonable. Besides, I don’t want to get your hopes up either. I mean, wouldn’t you like it, to be back in California, closer to your family and all of your old friends? I don’t want you to get your hopes up either-- not if there’s a good chance I’m going to let them down.”

She didn’t say anything for a few moments, but Chowder didn’t say anything else because she looked like she was really thinking. “This is still a lot to process,” she finally told him. “Your future, your chances, everything. But… I mean, I know we might not be the best at talking about things like this, but I know how we feel about each other, and I’ve been thinking about life after college for a few months. I never brought it up because I never really decided where I wanted to end up! In New England, in California, somewhere in between… everything has its pros and cons. But in the end, you wouldn’t be pulling me away from anything by forcing me to move to Chicago or wherever. I have a dream job, not a dream location. With my degree, I’ll be able to work in green technologies almost anywhere. That’s what I want. That, and to be with you.” She squeezed his hand again. “I mean it, baby. We can go up to Canada, or down to Miami. As long as we’re together, and as long as we’re both doing what we love.”

“I love you,” he told her. He really wanted to say ‘you’re perfect,’ but sometimes she got irritated at him when he said that. Like she didn’t think it was true. “I want to be with you too. And I want us both to be happy.”

“As long as you don’t leave me for Bitty’s pies,” she joked, “I think we will be.”

Two days later, there was a knock on his door as he tried to concentrate on the reading for his Lit class. “Come in,” he called, figuring it was Bitty. It was.

“Hope it’s not a bad time,” Bitty said. 

“Nah, now would be a great time for a distraction. What’s up?” 

Bitty had a rare look on his face. It was the same one he got when it was Thanksgiving time and he was unveiling his plan for the five course menu, full of things that had to be cooked simultaneously, with ingredients they would have to search the city to find. He looked apprehensive and eager at the same time.

“I wanted to tell you something,” Bitty said. “We’re going to tell the Haus later, but I wanted to talk to you first.”

Chowder sat up straight. “Okay, I’m listening,” he said. “Who’s ‘we’?”

Bitty full on smiled now. It practically lit up the room. Chowder didn’t think he’d seen him that happy in a long time. He had a good feeling about where this all was going.

“Don’t tell me,” he continued, before Bitty could say anything. “Let me guess. Is it about that boyfriend of yours?”

“I’m being obvious again, aren’t I?” Bitty asked him. He was outright beaming now.

“So he’s ready to come out?” Chowder asked, and Bitty nodded. “And you’re going to introduce him to the Haus? Jack and Shitty should come, I know they’d make the trip for you.”

“Jack and Shitty are actually already on their way,” Bitty told him. “So are Lardo and Holster, actually. And it’s not so much that I’m going to introduce him to the Haus…”

That was interesting. Chowder tried to put it all together. “Wait a second,” he said. “Are you dating Tony?! Oh my God. I had no idea he was even gay! Or bi, or whatever. But why did he think he needed to keep it a secret?”

“Chowder, I’m not dating Tango.”

“Oh, okay, but you are dating one of us, right? I think that’s what you were implying.”

“Yes, I was in fact implying that. My boyfriend is a hockey player, what can I say? Hockey players have the best butts.”

“It’s true,” Chowder agreed. “Hockey players are the best. So… who is it?”

“I think you can figure it out,” Bitty said, and maybe that was true, but Chowder didn’t have that much faith in himself. He knew just figuring out Bitty had a boyfriend was a pretty big fluke. How could he not have caught on that it was one of them? What kind of ninja secrecy skills did they have? “It’s pretty easy,” Bitty continued. “Just think. Who has the best hockey butt?”

“Well, that’s easy,” Chowder said automatically. “Jack does. But he graduated, he doesn’t…” Chowder trailed off as he caught sight of Bitty’s expression. “Wait…”

“Yup!”

“No way!”

“I’m serious.”

“Oh my god. Bitty!!!”

“I know!”

“You… you realize you like won the boyfriend Olympics, right? Your boyfriend is a professional hockey player. Your boyfriend is a Calder-winning professional hockey player! Oh my god. If he played for the Sharks, that’d be like a relationship hat trick!”

Bitty laughed. It was a great sound.

“So you guys--you, like, love each other, right? He’s not just your boyfriend. He’s… Jack.”

“We do,” Bitty said. Chowder could’ve sworn his face was actually glowing. “We really do. We’ve been dating for… a long time now.”

“How long?” Chowder asked, intensely curious. “Don’t tell me you were dating when he was going here. There’s no way you guys could’ve kept that a secret! Did you keep it a secret? Wait, does Shitty know?”

“Not yet,” Bitty said. “Jack went to pick him up, they’re going to talk in the car. We’re not quite sure how Shitty’s going to take it-- I know in the end, he’ll be happy for us, but he’s probably going to be disappointed that we didn’t tell him before now.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I don’t know. Jack didn’t want to. He was so scared of the secret getting out somehow.”

“Well, I guess he’s not scared anymore.”

“No,” Bitty said. “He’s going to announce it to everyone. The Falconer’s P.R. team is working on a statement. But we wanted to tell everyone here first.”

“Wow. This is crazy!”

“I guess it is,” Bitty agreed, “but I can’t even really think about all of that right now. I’m just happy that we can really be together, and not have to keep it a secret from the people that are closest to us.”

“I still can’t really wrap my mind around it,” Chowder admitted. “You and Jack. Wow.”

“To answer your earlier question, we got together right after he graduated. Like, right after. There’s no way Shitty wouldn’t have known if we had started any time before that. You never lived with him, but I have to tell you, Shitty busted in everywhere all the time. That boy has no concept of personal boundaries.”

“So you guys decided to hold off and wait?”

“No, we weren’t together before that because-- well, we just weren’t together. I thought my feelings weren’t reciprocated, and Jack… he told me he didn’t really realize how he felt until he was faced with saying goodbye to me.”

“Super romantic,” Chowder said. “Did he run across campus to find you and tell you like in one of those romance movies?”

“He actually did,” Bitty said, laughing a little bit.

“Oh my god! I think I need to chirp the hell out of him for that.”

“What? No! Like you said, it was romantic.”

“Sure, but it’s also pretty funny. Everyone always chirps me for being mushy, but I bet you and Jack are just as bad. I bet there are a whole bunch of pet names and heart-eyed emojis in those piles of texts you guys have exchanged.”

“I plead the fifth,” Bitty told him. “I don’t have any money for the sin bin! I spent all of mine on the new pie tins!”

“We’ll find out soon enough,” Chowder told him. “I bet Jack’ll be around here more the next few months. Now that guys aren’t going to be hiding your relationship. You’re just lucky Ransom and Holster aren’t living here anymore. They always know how to catch people when they’re most embarrassingly romantic.”

“Well, not everyone is that embarrassing. Neither Jack nor I have ever given the other three dozen ugly, purple flowers.”

“Hey, purple’s her favorite color! And I don’t care if everyone else says they were ugly, she said that they were really pretty and that she liked them a lot!”

“Of course she did. She also told you to never buy any flowers again, right?”

“That’s just because she said flowers are expensive and they die too quickly. Not because they were ugly.”

“Okay.”

“Wait, so purple ones aside, has Jack ever bought you flowers? I know he bought you an oven once, I’m pretty sure you can’t top that.”

“No way,” Bitty said, shaking his head. “I’m not giving you any ammunition.” He looked at the door. “Listen, they’re going to be here soon, and I have to finish a few things up in the kitchen. You think you can keep secret for a half hour? Or am I going to have to barricade you in here?”

“Can I text Farmer?”

“Chowder!”

“Okay, fine. Yes. I promise, I won’t tell anyone.”

Bitty shut the door again on the way out, which was probably a good idea, because Chowder felt the strong urge to follow him and keep pestering him with questions, which Bitty would definitely not appreciate in the middle of the kitchen. Instead, he read his Lit passage for seventeen more minutes without comprehending a single thing, then texted Caitlin a long string of multi-colored heart emojis. 

Lardo arrived, then Holster. Ransom was apparently too busy to come, which Holster had to explain a few times, but Chowder didn’t blame every new person for asking. Holster looked odd just standing there alone. Chowder hadn’t seen either of them in too long, and he wanted to go over and say hi and ask them how they were doing and what they were up to, and if they’d seen the latest Sharks game. But he didn’t want to get to excited and let anything slip, so he hung back and started to rinse off Bitty’s already impressive pile of dirty bowls and mixing spoons.

Then Jack arrived, with Shitty in tow. Shitty’s face looked pretty blank, and Chowder saw him stare long and hard at Bitty when he came in, but luckily Bitty only had eyes for Jack. Chowder figured that even though Shitty didn’t look particularly happy, his conversation with Jack probably hadn’t gone too badly, because Jack didn’t look too stressed or unhappy. Jack looked like he always did when he came back to the Haus--like he still belonged, and with an almost-constant small smile that was usually directed at Bitty.

“So what’s up?” Holster wasted no time in asking Jack. “I mean, I’m always down to come and visit when I can, but this felt less like an invitation and more like a summons. By the way, I’m sorry Ransom couldn’t make it but, well, you know how he gets.”

“It’s fine,” Jack said. “I just had something I wanted to tell everyone. You can fill him in when you get back.”

“If it’s not too distracting to his study mode.” Holster replied. “So, what is it?”

By this time everyone else in the room had pretty much stopped all the side chatter, and directed their attention to Jack. There was a pause that went on almost too long, and then Jack apparently decided to get right to the point. “Bitty and I are dating.”

There was another pause, then everyone seemed to move in sync to look at Bitty. Chowder kept looking at Jack, so he saw the little crease of worry on his forehead, but Chowder already had a big smile on his face and two thumbs up in the air. 

“It’s true, y’all,” Bitty said behind him, and Chowder could hear the pride in his voice. He was still looking at Jack, who was looking around carefully at his former teammates. His eyes caught Chowder, who immediately nodded his head up and down enthusiastically. Jack smiled.

“So that means no more trying to set me up, or chirping me about that allegedly cute soccer player,” Bitty continued, marching through the room to stand next to Jack. Jack’s smile grew and he reached out to put his arm around Bitty. 

“Bro. Bro!” Holster said. “This is perfect! I mean, no offense, but I thought you were both going to be lonely monks for the rest of your lives.”

That seemed to break the ice and there was excited chatter from all around now.

“Wow, really Bitty?”

“That’s s’awesome!”

“Hell yeah it is!”

“You better realize how lucky you are, Jack,” Lardo put in. Chowder could see Shitty, who was next to her, finally crack a smile.

“I totally saw this coming,” Nursey told the room.

“You are such a liar,” Dex said. “Last week you were talking about which former Bachelorette Jack should try and hook up with!”

“You guys should also know,” Bitty interrupted, “that we’ve actually been going out for a while.”

“How long?” Tango asked.

“Since graduation.” That was Lardo again.

“Actually, yeah,” Jack confirmed.

“Bitty!” Holster’s face screwed up like he was actually upset. “Really, that long? How in the world did we miss that?”

“I don’t know,” Bitty said. “Chowder almost had it figured out.”

Holster looked over at Chowder bemusedly, Chowder flashed him a smug smile in return.

“But we were trying really hard to keep it a secret,” Bitty continued. “The whole point was that no one found out. It’s not that we couldn’t trust you guys, it’s just-- it was a big secret.”

“I wasn’t ready to come out yet,” Jack cut in. “For obvious reasons, I think. It-it’ll still be hard. But I’m ready now. Bitty and I are going to be public in just a couple more days.”

“So y’all are still going to have to keep it a secret until then,” Bitty told them firmly.

“Are you going to get the really good seats at the Falconers games now?” Tango asked.

“He’d better,” Chowder put in. 

Jack didn’t stay long after that, which was probably a good idea since he was the laser-sharp focus of everyone’s attention; even more than normal. First he and Bitty took Lardo, Shitty, and Holster out to dinner (Chowder let them know that the French place was pretty good), then they stopped by the Haus again, so Bitty could pick up a couple of bags he had packed.

“I’m going to Providence to be with Jack for a couple of days while it all goes down,” he told Chowder, Nursey, and Dex. “And it is so great that I can finally be open about that!”

“Congratulations, seriously,” Dex told him. “And good luck. Whatever happens, you know we’ll always have your backs.”

“Always,” Chowder confirmed fervently. 

“Yup,” Nursey added.

Then Bitty was out the door with Jack. Dex turned to Chowder. “Did you really almost have it figured out?” he asked.

“Yeah, almost!” Chowder told him. “Well, kind of.” He paused. “No, not really. I knew Bitty had a secret boyfriend, but I had no idea about Jack.”

“Well, that’s the big thing,” Dex said. “If he does this, he’s going to be the first out player in the NHL. I hope things don’t get too rough. I wonder if his teammates know yet.”

“I wish there was something else we could do,” Chowder said.

“Jack can handle it,” Nursey said. 

Dex frowned at him. “I hope so. Like I said, I hope things don’t get too rough.”

It felt restless in the Haus the next day. The TV stayed on the whole day, but nobody sat and watched it. He met with Caitlin on the beach after his afternoon class, and split his time with her between being distracted and feeling guilty for being distracted. He tried to apologize at one point, and she told him that she understood. She knew playoffs were starting soon and he got distracted by that. All in all, it was a very unsatisfying date, and at the end he gave her an extra-long kiss and promised to take her out to a nice dinner again, as soon as he got some more money.

The news had broken by the time he woke up the next morning. He hadn’t slept in too late--10:00 A.M. is not late, no matter what Jack or his parents said--but by the time he managed to make it down the stairs everyone else in the Haus, plus a few members of the team who must have stopped by, were crowded around the TV. They appeared to be watching the Detroit Tigers throwing a ball around for spring training. 

“He’s out,” Jazzy told him when he noticed Chowder. “One statement released from Jack, and one from the team. It was real quick.”

“No interviews? Did he mention Bitty?”

“No, they just read a statement and showed a promo shot of him. Nothing mentioned Bitty’s name, but it did say something about him loving his boyfriend.”

“Okay,” Chowder said. He looked at the TV again, and it was still baseball. “I have to go to class now. I think I’m already late. But just-- someone send out a group text if there are any updates?”

“Jack and Bitty are on the group texts,” Dex said. “I’ll send you a regular one, okay?”

“Okay,” Chowder said, and ducked out the door.

Chowder had two classes in a row, and no texts. He came straight back to the Haus after, where he found a whole bunch of empty rooms and the TV finally off.

He still felt antsy. He wondered if he could text Bitty or if that would just bother him. Bitty loved to text, but one right now would probably be a horrible idea. Chowder was just dying to know how things were going, and that would probably come across in whatever message he tried to send. 

He wanted something to do, but he didn’t think studying would be productive at all, and Caitlin was still going to be in her math class for another 45 minutes. He wished he could bake, like Bitty could. He’d never understood Bitty’s love for baking more than he did in that moment. It was perfect; It could keep him busy, which he needed (and as a bonus, he would end up with some totally rad lemon bars or something). More importantly, it would be something he could share with other people, something he could do for other people. But there was nothing he could do for his friends right now. Finally, he decided to go up and see what Dex was up to. Maybe he could talk him and Nursey into a video game marathon or something.

“…you motherfucking piece of shit,” he heard as he climbed the stairs, it was Nursey’s voice. The words seemed pretty extreme, but he sounded chill, as usual.

“Uh, guys? What’s going on?” Chowder asked, as he reached the top of the stairs to see the two boys crowded close to each other and staring at Dex’s computer screen.

Dex sat back. “Derek’s making bad life choices again,” he told Chowder. 

“What?”

“I’m just doing my duty,” Nursey told him. 

“You’re being an idiot,” Dex shot back.

“No I’m not,” Nursey said. “Now, keep typing. How about, ‘I bet your parents wish they were never born?’”

“You’re such a plebe,” Dex told him.

“Guys?” Chowder asked again, because he was pretty sure he was being ignored. “Who are you talking to?” 

“Pieces of trash,” Nursey said.

“Nursey made an Internet 101 mistake,” Dex finally explained. “There was an article about Jack on the Boston Herald website and he decided to read the comments.”

“Oh no,” Chowder said. “Nursey, you never read the comments!”

Nursey shrugged. “They were talking about Jack,” he said.

“So, now you’re on the Herald site just what, insulting anyone who talks bad about Jack?”

“Nah,” Nursey replied. “We got banned from that site a while ago. We tried a couple more news sites, but now we’re on Reddit.” 

“Yeah,” Dex grumbled. “At least it’s way harder to get banned from Reddit.”

Nursey raised his eyebrow at him. “Hey, I wasn’t the one who came up with the colorful word salad that got us banned from Deadspin.”

“…whatever. Those cretins didn’t know their assholes from their elbows. I bet they don’t even watch hockey.”

“But they’re not as bad as the ones on Reddit. Someone found out about Bitty, then they found his accounts, and now they’re posting shit about him.”

“Oh no!”

“It’s Reddit, it was bound to happen,” Dex said. “I’m trying to find and report anyone who’s breaking any subreddit policies. That’s much better than what Nursey’s trying to do.”

Nursey pointed at the screen. “We should tell that guy that we’d feel sorry for his girlfriend if she wasn’t obviously a crusty blow-up doll hidden under his bed so his parents won’t find it.”

“No we shouldn’t.”

“Nope,” Chowder said. “I’m out. I want no part of this. Please don’t tell me what they’re saying.”

Dex waved him off. “Go save yourself,” he told him.

Chowder darted back down the stairs and decided to hide in his room and text Caitlin. With any luck, her class would be out early.

It was a relief to finally tell Caitlin. It managed to eat up most of the rest of the day too, because she wanted lots of details. He told her everything that had been going on the past few months, then apologized for his distraction the day before for good measure. She listened with wide eyes and when they split for the night, he was sure she was going to go relay most of it back to her friends, but that was okay, because it was nothing bad and nothing secret any more.

The next day seemed to pass a little more normally. Their practice was actually really good, even though Bitty’s absence was felt. The coaches ran them through their paces and everyone seemed to be concentrating that much more, working that extra bit harder. Chowder certainly was. 

Most of the team followed them back to the Haus or met up with them there later. The Falconers had a game scheduled against the Bruins that night and everyone-- well, everyone probably wanted to be there for Jack, but it was way too late to make plans for that. At least it was a home game. 

They turned the TV on a little earlier than they usually did and caught a special report on Jack. The report featured his whole career; his time in the juniors, the overdose, his winning of the Calder last year, and the successes the Falconers were having so far this season. The whole thing seemed pretty positive, or at least as positive as Chowder had ever seen from something that mentioned the problems Jack had when he was younger. 

But soon, the pregame commentary started, and so did the comments and speculation about Jack ‘not being able to handle the pressure’ of recent events. It was all bullshit.

“Is that Bitty?” Tango suddenly asked. 

It was Bitty, the camera was zooming in on him now. He was sitting next to Bad Bob in Jack’s jersey--maybe that was one of Jack’s actual jerseys? It was big enough--and the announcer let everyone know that Zimmermann’s boyfriend was here tonight, sitting with his parents. Bitty had a smile pasted on his face, but it looked nervous. Chowder didn’t like seeing Bitty look nervous. It made him nervous too.

The game started and it seemed like a normal game, at first. They were going after Jack, playing rough, but that’s what they always did. Chowder couldn’t tell what was being said on the ice, but Jack seemed unruffled, as usual.

The one thing that turned out to be different was the crowd. As the camera kept showing, a chunk of them had come with rainbow shirts or rainbow flags that they would wave any time Jack stepped on the ice or did anything remotely interesting. They all went crazy after Jack managed to score. The Haus went crazy too.

The game ended in a tie, and it didn’t even matter that they didn’t win, because Jack had scored a goal. He’d shown those doubters that it didn’t matter, that he could still play. 

Chowder’s phone blew up soon after that, as everyone decided at once that the awkward group chat silence had gone on long enough, and needed to be broken. All of the sudden everyone was congratulating Jack on the game and the goal, and some people were lightly chirping Bitty about his television debut.

Bitty showed up back up in the Haus the next day. He was already in the kitchen, ready to put a full size pie in the oven before Chowder even realized he was there. He waited until the pie was safe to attack Bitty with a hug.

“I’m okay, it’s okay,” Bitty assured him. “Lord, but what a busy couple of days. But they were mostly good.”

“Good!” Chowder said. “Good. …Is that one peach?”

“You have to share it,” Bitty reminded him.

After Chowder reluctantly only had two pieces of peach pie he caught back up with Caitlin. 

“I have an idea, but I need your help,” he told her, and then explained about all the rainbow shirts and rainbow flags that were there to support Jack during his game the night before. “This is Samwell, so I know lots of people might be interested in coming to support us in our next game tomorrow. But the problem is, I don’t know any of them. Actually, I’m not sure if I have any actual friends that aren’t on the volleyball team or won’t be out on the ice with me. But you, you’re really popular, and you’re good with people! Do you think you can see if anyone’s interested?”

“It’s Samwell, so it shouldn’t be a problem” she agreed. She didn’t even try to reassure him about his lack of popularity on the campus. It was just basic fact.

When he caught up with her the next day, right before the game, she only had good news. “I obviously decided to talk to the right people,” she said, “because a few of them were already thinking about doing something.”

Chowder really loved Samwell sometimes. 

He gave her a quick kiss before running off to join his teammates. Bitty was keyed up and anxious. “I’m sorry I missed practice,” Bitty apologized for the twelfth time as the group of them headed into Faber for the game. 

“Bitty, don’t even,” Chowder said. 

“Yeah, it’s cool,” Whiskey told him. “You’re back now, and we’re going to kick some ass.”

There was tension in the air as they took the ice to get ready to play. There were also definitely more people there than normal. In spite of the atmosphere, Chowder was still glad to be here, to be on the ice with his team, to be in the middle of things. He was glad he wasn’t just sitting on the couch and watching, like during the Falconers game.

In front of him, he saw Nursey and Dex shift their grip on their sticks and nod at each other. He caught their eyes as they looked back, and gave them a meaningful nod.

No one was going to be bothering Bitty tonight. Not on their watch.

Soon the game was passing by in a flurry of screams and cheers and flying pucks. As he had hoped, crowd was doing their part wonderfully. It looked like more people were decked out with rainbow gear than not, and they were loud in calling out their support for the team in general, and Bitty in particular. Whenever he even touched the puck, the sound was deafening. In the end, Bitty didn’t score, but he did make an assist. And Chowder managed to pull out another shutout, so they won the game.

All in all, it was a pretty great night. And as Bitty took off his helmet and smiled up at the crowd at the end, it looked like the tension had finally left his face.

Bitty had a smile on his face and a copy of his resume up on the computer screen. It was a little jarring after all the uncertainty of the winter, but all of that made Bitty’s smile that much nicer to see.

“You’re not going to need that,” he told Bitty. “You’re going to get a job the same way you got into most of your classes this year. Just bring a bunch of different mini-pies to the best bakery in Providence and they’ll hire you on the spot.”

“Don’t worry about me, I’ve got a plan,” Bitty said. “I’m trying for three different places. The bakery closest to the apartment, the best bakery; as judged by Yelp reviews and, after careful consideration, the bakery with the most interesting variety of products. I have to keep myself motivated, I want to make sure I’m always trying to expand my horizons.”

“I’ll come and visit you every weekend,” Chowder said, only half joking.

“You’re going to be welcome any time,” Bitty told him earnestly. 

“God, Bitty-- Were you ever really not going to move to Providence?”

“I was really struggling with it,” Bitty told him honestly. “It would have been so hard to move to Providence and not be Jack’s boyfriend. I don’t know anyone else there, and I don’t have that much money. My parents kept asking me to come back home. They said that I could stay with them while I built some savings up. There are plenty of wonderful bakeries or other places I could work in Madison, and… I kept telling myself that it wouldn’t mean that I had to stay there forever.”

“I think any time would have been too long,” Chowder said. “Because of Jack and because, well, I know it’s not like Samwell down there. I know you always hated it because you never felt like you could be yourself.”

“I could’ve beared it,” Bitty said. “I would have been myself and proud. I would have worked hard. I would have tried and saved up. But when it comes down to it, what I was most afraid of was inertia. I was afraid that if I moved down there… I would never be able to get myself out again.”

“You would’ve come back,” Chowder said. “You and Jack are too good together. Nothing would have been able to keep you apart.”

“Maybe not, but I’m really glad I don’t have to find out now. Now I can just concentrate on the future. Our future. I was dreading graduating before, but now I can’t wait! Now I can really start planning.” 

He had a happy grin on his face, and a manic gleam in his eye. 

Chowder started to back out of the room as Bitty turned back to the computer and switched over to his internet browser. He didn’t know what page it was, but it seemed to feature a lot of pictures of kitchen light fixtures.

“Well, good luck,” he called as he left, although he was pretty sure Bitty didn’t need it. He was pretty sure Bitty was going to be just fine, and any bakery manager that tried to stand in his way better watch out. 

They had done it. They had actually done it. The Frozen Four. They had gone Chowder’s freshmen year, of course, and Bitty had gone in his own freshmen year, but it still felt like a big deal. The Wellies hadn’t ever made it there before Jack Zimmermann, and everyone knew the odds against them were much larger now that he was gone. Even with the increasingly talented players attracted to the team in the wake of Jack’s success, it still felt like a gift. One that he was glad the team could give to Bitty in his senior year. He knew Bitty just wanted to play with them for as long as he possibly could. He knew because Bitty had told him that a few weeks ago, after a particularly brutal practice where the coaches had pushed them extra hard. Most of them had gone to the Haus afterwards to talk, hang out, play video games, and feel the endorphin rush. 

But Chowder also knew that because he felt the same way. Even though he wasn’t the one graduating, even though he had another full year at Samwell, he still wanted as much time on the ice with them as he could get. They were a team. 

They’d also been playing more like a team lately than they had all year. They’d had, in retrospect, a really fantastic season, even during those times that it had felt to Chowder that they were hanging on to their success by a thread. They had still been playing well then, but now, it felt like they had finally clicked into place together. The forwards were passing with confidence on where their teammates would be, and the d-men were working together to let as few shots as possible through to him. In fact, their first round playoff game had been another shutout.

The Frozen Four was going to be in Chicago this year, but Jack was going to make it anyway. It was too important to miss, he said, and more importantly, he didn’t have any games of his own.

Caitlin told him that she had wanted to make it to the game as well, had even started looking into it, but there had been no way. When they kissed goodbye (after a couple extra kisses for good luck) she had tried to apologize for not being there, but he had promised her that there were going to be a lot more games to go to in the future.

Late at the arena, when the team skated on the ice, he marveled at the crowd. It seemed bigger than even the one from the championship two years ago, and there were definitely more cameras rolling and lights flashing as he went to take his position. Chowder knew they weren’t there for him, but it was still an adrenaline rush, and he couldn’t quiet that voice in his head that was wondering if this was almost like what playing an NHL game would be like.

He started to picture it: he was here on the ice, starting for the Sharks on one of their playoff games. Maybe they were playing Providence. As his team started shooting practice pucks at him, he imagined with every block that they were coming from the Falconers, from Jack and-- oh gosh, that could really happen! He could actually really face off against Jack! Well, that was okay. He might not be perfect yet, but he knew how to block pucks sent by Jack Zimmermann. He had plenty of practice at it.

Dex and Nursey skated over to him when they were winding down. “Man, you’re on fire so far,” Nursey told him. “Save some of that for the actual game.”

“I think we’ve got this,” Dex said. “This is our game. We won’t let them take it from us.”

“We’ve got this,” Chowder repeated. They skated off again and he looked around at the crowd, a little more closely this time. He could see the rainbow flags scattered throughout the arena.

“All right,” Coach Hall yelled, pulling his attention back to the team and the game. “Let’s get this started!”

Chowder smiled and got ready to play some hockey.


End file.
